Just feeling chuffed, and sharing

I felt pretty happy to get this email featuring my photo of Sienna that I entered into last year's Smile competition. It didn't win anything at all, but was featured in their top 12 calendar, and now on the website homepage and in this email campaign. It would be even better if my name was linked with the photo somehow, LOL, but it is just nice for me to know it is well-thought-of. I emailed it to a few friends and family because I feel like it is some sort of achievement. Is that sharing, or is it bragging?

Really I think it depends on the intent and emotion, which means that I know that I am not trying to brag, that in fact I still doubt the quality of my photography and the accuracy of considering myself a photographer of any kind... so any kind of validation is like an argument against my own low self-esteem. I try and celebrate any achievement like this as proof that I don't actually suck. Which is always a nice idea ;)

Being a 'photographer' is tricky. I began photographing for others about ten years ago I guess. I've done a short course, which quite frankly bored the pants off me because it was very basic and very slow, but I got to help other attendees get their head around aperture and stuff. So it was worthwhile. Not any kind of qualification though. So sometimes I think maybe I should get something like that, and then I think that I don't really need that. And only a handful of the many photographers I admire have completed photography studies of any consequence. So I trust their confidence in themselves more than my own.

I am learning to trust clients and friends and family more and more. It sounds weird but it works quite well for me, when doubting myself (which happens all too frequently) to decide that it doesn't matter what I think anyway. It matters what they think. The other people. I'm sure it's very unprofessional of me to admit that after years of working in the field I still tread warily. I know in my mind that I know stuff and I know what I can do. It's the belief from the heart that is always the tricky bit. Never mind.

I woke up sick this morning. Well, actually at 2-something this morning, and again at 6, for the day. Not even woken by kids, but by feeling too much in need of tissues and ventolin to sleep properly. The kids were really helpful, making their own and Cedar's breakfast, getting dressed, helping with their own lunches. Talked through it all step by step, with a few disagreements sorted out along the way, but generally really helpful. I was really proud of them for being considerate of me. It was a good start to the day, all things considering.

I had a really lovely chat to my mum for almost 80 minutes, which made me happy. Today is R U Ok day so I have sent a couple of low-pressure emails. I over-shared about R U Ok earlier in the week. I have taken some photos of Ash's drawing to share here later, he's got an awesome style and is really quite good. And now my hands are a bit shaky for typing (blergh! being sick is so boring!) so I will try and pack for the weekend. Sitting down, perhaps. LOL. Have a good one, all :)

P.S. Oh, almost forgot, as Sylvia pointed out in my last post comments, I have changed out of using disqus for commenting, I want to test it out this way again as I had a few people say that they couldn't comment anymore. Let me know your thoughts either way!


Carly Webber said...

Aww, Danielle congratulations, thats fabulous and 100% deserved. Not bragging at all. I understand that feeling of low confidence and self esteem when you look at your own work/creations, I can relate to that. We're all probably our own harshest critic wouldn't you say?
There is so much love, emotion and fun in your family portraits Daneille, you are definitely in the right field, believe it! xx

sylvia said...

not bragging, sweetie, you're sharing!! thanks for your email!! you're right, go celebrate, even though they didn't link your photo, that was my first thought too, LOL!
i do hope you are feeling better soon, for your trip! lots of hugs, my all-time favourite wedding and new-family photographer!!! xx

Elisha said...

I love your photos... so much colour and yet so much light.... its great to see your photos in a calendar but the least they could do is give you credit....

simona said...

really, you do not need courses and degrees etc. your photography is wonderful. i think not having had formal schooling made it easier for you to find your own style.
and in all honesty, having gone to school will probably not change your feelings toward your work. i say that because i got a degree from a renowned school and i got good grades all the way through. but my feelings toward my work don't reflect that. your words express my feelings to about 100%. keep thinking about all the people that love your work!