Just because it can be hard sometimes, it doesn't mean it's not good

And just because it's good, it doesn't mean it's not hard.

I've been thinking about this for a day or so since reading this blog post by Maxabella, the article she linked to and the thread about it on Mammamia, an email from a dear friend and another friend's rundowns on her busy life as a mum...

I think the sentence from the article which is the most frustrating is "from where I stand motherhood is a cinch." Not because this journalist is enjoying her experience - that is awesome - but the implication that, because it is easy enough for her, that those who do not find it so are inadequate. In particular coming from a first time mum with a comparatively un-demanding 9 month old baby.

Now I get her point, and I personally don't enjoy constant complaints, and I don't like making a drama of things (even things that are by their nature entitled to a bit of drama)... not because doing those things isn't a valid response, just because it doesn't help me, personally, to do that.

However, being able to unload and vent about the challenges is often an essential part of working through the hard parts and enabling one to refocus on the positives, or on productivity... for many things but this is especially the case for mothers who often have so much internal dialogue (because they are constantly surrounded by people but not necessarily adult conversation). With the article that has caused such a passionate response, it is the journalist's apparent dismissal of the varying experiences of mothers and their need to express their difficulties that is offensive.

Realism should include both the good and the hard... and yes, of course motherhood is hard work sometimes. Just as it is entirely worth the hard parts. Just as it is an honour. As it is both just one part of who we are and also our entire being. And just as it is an incredible joy - sometimes. Usually in many moments scattered throughout the day in between all the other stuff, and occasionally a glorious few hours where you can just bathe in the love of your children and of being their mum.

Cedar Laughing from Danielle Quarmby on Vimeo.

I love this quote from Kate's recent blog post on her busy days and how she organises her days, she expresses so well the sentiment that *I think* the journalist was trying to express, but with a tad more realism and without the arrogance...

Kate Mason, mum of 5 (aged 2 months to 5 years. Or thereabouts!) tells us what is true about her days right now, and concludes with this:

"I'm living my dream anyway even during the tricky bits"

And it's good.


Kate M said...

oh Danielle, without even reading the other links [which I am desperate to, just a bit later because I have a stinky nappy to change [not mine haha] and a kindy run + lunch then get 3 to bed for afternoon nap to do... ]...
you made me completely tear up & they are spilling over. i'm not really sure why.
but thank you.
i guess being able to just spill out my day & remind myself of 'what is my life' and appreciate it - BUT also have others comment that its ok to do that - well that just feels great.
its sometimes isolating being at home with little ones so having a mums network that is there [in their own precious few minutes here & there dotted throughout their day] to read your stuff & give the occasional pat on the back & reassurance - well that just makes it all a greater dream.
have a brilliant day. you made a difference in mine.

sylvia said...

thank you danielle. everything you write is soo true!! i got quite emotional reading your post, reading it from a mum who has been there 3 times gives me courage, makes me know that it is hard and good and makes me feel understood and within. in moments like these i regret having set my blog to private, not being able to share completely in a mums network that is out there. but at least in a small scale, i can. and i'm determined to get more real in my blogging as well, because the good always needs the hard as well, it would not be motherhood if it were ALL just great and fantastic.
thank you! your post made my day feel a lot better!!